Six months without alcohol.

AA six-month sobriety chip.

Hello, my name is WickedddBitch and I'm an alcoholic.

This week marks six months without alcohol. I am so gosh darn proud of myself. A lot has changed in these six months. I am a beautiful butterfly!!!

I want to reflect and appreciate how far I've come before continuing forward.

How is my life without alcohol?

I can maintain my values across all relationships. This has allowed my self-confidence to grow immensely. I can trust myself because I behave the same in all situations. I am grounded in my values.

I have time for, and I am able to focus on activities that bring me joy, like writing this blog that I've always wanted to write. When I drank alcohol, the morning after was often preoccupied with anxiety, grogginess, and a general distaste to begin the day. Now I wake up with openness. I am able to maintain morning routines that connect me to mind, body, and soul. I walk into the day knowing I can bring joy to myself through hobbies and friends. I am able to be there for others.

I am rooted in love, not fear. The lack of control I had with alcohol frequently jeopardized my closest relationships. I was in repetitive patterns of hurting people and attempting to avoid the consequences. My anxiety was ever-present and through the roof. When I was out drinking - Am I being funny enough? Do these people want me around? Do they like me? And in the mornings - What did I say last night? Why did I fight them? Why did I do that? Now I no longer have to live in fear because I rarely act out of character. And this right behavior doesn't come about in a rigid, controlling way. I am actually quite at ease in this state - being rooted in love, there is nothing to fear.

I respect myself. It feels so good to respect myself. I am no longer reckless with my health, physically or mentally. I am no longer risking my success through self-sabotage. I am no longer participating in activities I don't truly wish to be a part of. Respecting myself has brought so much joy to my life. This self-respect has also aligned me with other self-respecting people. Now respect is everywhere I look.

This is the longest I have gone without alcohol, but it is not the first attempt at sobriety. What makes this time different?

I believe life is a spiral. As you grow wiser and take steps to change, the lessons brought about each year expand to new planes of consciousness. If you are stuck, the spiral of life turns into a circle. You go around and around and around and around repeating repeating repeating repeating until one day, you decide to change. And that's what this sobriety is to me.

Alcohol kept me stuck. Without it, clarity has lifted across many aspects of my life. Experiencing this is something so important to me. So deeply important. I cannot reach the life I dream about with alcohol. I accept that.

My name is WickedddBitch and I'm an alcoholic.